Day 23 – Favorite vacation

This 30 day thing is trying to kill me.  I’ve basically answered this in both the place I’ve travelled to and favorite city questions! So I’m over it and not answering this question for the third time.  Instead I will vent about my stupid body and its stupid hormones.

I hate complaining about my cycles on here. It all feels so futile.  Starting a new cycle, failing again.  Over and over again.  And the last two times, I feel like I’m failing before I even start.  Last time my estrogen was high before I started my meds and I just waited two days and it went back down so I was able to start my meds and start the cycle. 

And now it’s happened again.  I’m waiting two days to get bloodwork done again to see if it goes down and we can start the cycle but wtf is going on here?  Why is this happening these last two cycles?  I used to have the world’s most regular cycle and the second we started trying IUIs all this crap starts to happen.  Why can’t I get it together?

Day 22 – Favorite city

Amsterdam.  Hands down.  But I’ve already covered that in the place I’ve travelled post.  So I’ll talk about my second favorite city.  Paris.  The city of light – and love.

Paris was the first trip to Europe that the hubs and I took together and it was perfect.  We had chocolate croissants for breakfast every morning and feasted for dinner every night.  We hit all the museums and climbed anything that you could climb (Arc d’Triomphe, Eiffel Tower (ok, we took the elevator) and Notre Dame).  We strolled on cobblestone streets and became experts at the Metro. We went down into the Catacombs, where I got throughly creeped out.  We got lost, we butchered the French language, we bought cheesy souvenirs, we ate LOTS  of cheese, we walked a lot and we had so much fun doing it together. 

It’s also where we first “officially” started trying for a baby and were going to name the baby something suitably French if it was conceived there.  I guess it wasn’t meant to be but that might be a good thing for that baby.  Who knows what that baby would have ended up being named!

Day 20 – Nicknames

Most of my nicknames have something to do with my name, so you’ve heard them all before, I’m sure.  You won’t be shocked that people call me Anna Banana.  There are other ones that incorporate my last name and maiden name so I will skip over those for privacy reasons.   And the ones that don’t are fairly specific so I don’t want to mention them either.

It’s funny that before this, I never thought I had any nicknames but when thinking about this post, I realize that everyone calls me something different.  My husband has a nickname for me.  Many of my friends all have different nicknames for me.  I guess somethings become so commonplace that you forget that they’re not even your real name.

I don’t have any problems with any of the nicknames that people give me either. I know some people hate having nicknames and are forever correcting others regarding their name but I find them entertaining.  Even when they are poking fun sometimes.

Day 19 – Something you miss

I miss the way time used to pass when you were a little kid.  It seemed like everything dragged on forever but I miss that.  I feel like time just flies by nowadays.  I can remember turning 21 so clearly and now I’m 32.  How did that happen?  When you were a kid, you had no sense of time.  If your mom told you something was happening next weekend, it might as well have been lifetimes away.  Remember how long Christmas Eve seemed?  It dragged on forever and you couldn’t fall asleep because you knew that Santa was coming.  It seemed like Christmas would never get here.  The same with summer vacation. 

And now, every time I turn around, a year has gone by.

Day 18 – Something you regret

Haven’t I already covered this in a million other posts? My entire existence in a series of regrets and I need to get over them. So in the spirit of getting over my regrets, I’m skipping this one to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.  Hope everyone is eating turkey with those they love.

Day 17 – Something you’re looking forward to

Besides having a baby?

The holidays.  I love the holidays.  This is my favorite part of the year.  Usually.  I’m hoping that it will be the same this year.  Something to throw myself into instead of thinking about having a baby.

I love everything about Thanksgiving dinner.  All the food, all the preparation.  How all the flavors go together.  I love the fact that the dinner goes on forever. I love the desserts.  I love the feeling of passing out on the couch afterwards and feeling full and happy and loved.   And I even love the shopping the next day if I’m feeling brave enough to deal with the crowds.

I love everything about preparing for Christmas too.  Finding the perfect tree and putting it up and decorating it.  Find the perfect gifts for everyone.  Wrapping them and putting them under the tree. Decorating my house and baking cookies and figuring out what to make for dinner.  And dessert.  And the aftermath.  After it’s all cleaned up, going through and looking through your gifts again, it’s like rediscovering them again.  And then waiting for New Year’s – your clean slate - the chance to look at the year through the new eyes and hope that it will be better than the last.

Day 16 – Dream house

It doesn’t have to be huge, it just have to have certain characteristics:

1. A single family home
2. A big yard for the dog to run around in
3. Four bedrooms
4. A finished basement
5. An upstairs laundry room
6. A room with a tall ceiling for a very tall Christmas tree
7. A big warm kitchen with a double oven for all those Thanksgiving dinners
8. A room I can turn into a library – or at least a corner of a room for a reading nook
9. A tree where we can hang a swing or two trees so we can do a hammock
10. One filled with kids

Day 15 – Bible verse

I’ve never been a highly religious person.  And lately, I haven’t felt very religious.  Instead of all these issues bringing me closer to God, I feel as though they’ve been pushing me further away.   But even when I was more religious, I can’t say I ever had favorite Bible verses.  So instead I’m going to use this “day” (let’s use this term loosely, I’ve been taking 30 years to complete these 30 days) to talk about some quotes I’ve pick up along the way.

I used to collect quotes and have books full of them but who knows where that has gone so I’m just going to post a few that have resonated with me lately.

”We must have a pie.  Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie.” – David Mamet

”Let’s also say that change is neither good or bad. It simply is. It can be greeted with terror or joy: a tantrum that says, ‘I want it the way it was,’ or a dance that says, ‘Look, it’s something new.’” -Don Draper (Mad Men)

Stop. Just stop it. Today is the day. The moment is this one. Ignore the noise and people around you. Ignore the phone. Ignore black coffee. Ignore the clock.   The time to start being the person you always wanted to be is right now.  – http://pleasefindthis.blogspot.com/

Oh shut up. Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you hurt, you heal. After darkness, there is always light and you get reminded of this every morning but still you choose to believe that the night will last forever. Nothing lasts forever. Not the good or the bad. So you might as well smile while you’re here.  – http://pleasefindthis.blogspot.com/

“You think you’re waiting for help. For someone to tell you what the right thing to do is. Even though, at the back of your mind, you already know what that is. So all you’re really waiting for, is a time when you’re forced to do it.”  -  http://pleasefindthis.blogspot.com/

“Listen. To live is to be marked. To live is to change, to acquire the words of a story, and that is the only celebration we mortals really know. In perfect stillness, frankly, I’ve only found sorrow.” – Barbara Kingsolver

“You’re not a kid anymore. You have the right to choose your own life. You can start again. If you want a cat, all you have to do is choose a life in which you can have a cat. It’s simple. It’s your right.” - Haruki Murakami, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle

Are you sensing a theme in these?

Day 14 – A picture you love

Wow, this sure is a long 30 days, huh?  These picture ones really stop me in my tracks. I can never find the time to find a picture I love.  Far too lazy for that.  And most of the times, for privacy reasons, I don’t want to post pictures.  So how about instead I make a list of things I love:

• My husband – he is so supportive and kind and puts up with all my crap.  I love him so much.
• My family – when push comes to shove, they are supportive. They do and say the wrong thing sometimes but in the end, it’s all out of love.
• My friends – some of my closest friends I’ve known for over 15 years and sometimes I wonder how they put up with my drama in high school.  But they did and they still love me and I’m so grateful.
• My pets – Until I have babies, they will be my babies. And I will spoil them rotten. 
• Coffee – I can’t get through my morning without. I love different flavors and experimenting with different combinations.
• Cake – There is nothing better than a nice big slice of cake and a glass of milk.  So delicious and comforting.
• Wine and beer – Sometimes there is nothing better than ending the day or beginning a night with a nice drink!
• Road trips – There is something so fun about hitting the road and stopping at rest stops and visitors’ centers.  I love the planning and the map reading and the stopping at random places when you see a fun sign on a highway.
• Museums – I love going to museums and learning about paintings or history or whatever. I love audio guides. Exploring a museum and hearing these little tidbits in your ear.  It makes learning fun.

Day 13 – Goals

In no particular order:

• To finish my 101 in 1001 list.
• To stop being scared.
• To get over my feeling of not belonging.
• To lose weight.
• To watch less tv.
• To use more time more efficiently.
• To take things less seriously.
• To look at things more positively.
• To cook more.
• To be more organized.
• To find  away to be the best version of myself.