Lady of Leisure

11 Apr

I am now officially a lady of leisure.  In my head, I am totally pronouncing leisure the British way. Like measure.  I am now unemployed. I can’t say that I had an unfair shake. I had sixty days notice beforehand.  I am getting a six month severance package.  They are paying out all my vacation.  It’s the most generous layoff I’ve ever heard of.  Plus I can collect unemployment right away! But it’s still hard.

It’s hard not to go to work on Monday.  All weekend I kept thinking, I can’t believe it’s already Saturday afternoon or evening or Sunday, etc.  And finally I realized that I don’t need to care! I have nowhere to be on Monday!  My entire life is a weekend now. 

I’m going to miss having people to chat with over coffee on Monday mornings.  We had a ritual. I would come in and most of the time they’d be gathered in our cubicle area. I’d run to the cafeteria for coffee and join them for our weekend rehash and slowly get into the lab and ease into the week.  I’d find myself saving up good stories to tell them but now I don’t have to.  There’s no one to hear them.

I’m going to miss having a sense of purpose. To be honest, I already miss this. With our impending layoff, our projects had long been transferred so it was a pretty carefree existence to the end.  Just putting the finishing touches on final projects and cleaning up before we left.  I miss having projects.  And although I have a list of home projects approximately 1000 miles long, it’s not the same as going to work. 

I’m going to miss the variety of people I used to see day to day. I would always be interacting with people from different departments. Stopping to chat with people here and there. Having meetings with other groups.  I got to see different people every day. Even though on most given days, I am ready to tell you that I hate most people, I will still miss seeing people other than my Dunkin Donuts guy. 

But there’s a reason for everything. Or so they say, right?  And maybe this is happening at a good time.  We are finally getting ready to move forward with fertility treatment.  So maybe this is good. I will have time off to deal with the myriad of blood draws and ultrasounds that entails.  I won’t have to constantly be telling my boss I have to come in late or leave early and try to hide my disappearances from coworkers.

Also, I’ve been beyond stressed lately.  And maybe taking a break from work projects and focusing on my home is what I need right now.  Maybe I need to finish my list of home improvment projects and just work on what is closest to my heart for a while.  Maybe this will help me regroup and start to learn to live without the anti-depressants.  I never wanted to be on those long-term.  And especially now that we’re going to move forward, I don’t want to be on them when I’m pregnant.

So maybe this is good. Maybe this timing was right.  But that doesn’t mean I’m about to stop applying to jobs that I can find in the area!   A girl does have to buy Coach purses, you know.

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