Reason #4,076 that I’m a big dummy

13 Apr

Today, I had plans to meet up with a friend for dinner.  These plans necessitated taking a major highway.  I stopped to get gas and to tap MAC so I was on side streets for a while going no more than 35 mph.  Then I get on the highway.  As soon as I get over 65 mph, I start hearing this weird chirping like noise. The noise sounds like it’s coming from where the heat/air come out of.  So I turn that off.  Still hearing the noise.  Sometimes my car makes a noise like that when it’s windy. But there was not much wind today. 

I keep driving. And it keeps going. I slow down, it wanes a bit. I speed up and it increases.

And then it hits me.  You always hear stories about cats crawling under hoods of cars.  Several of our neighbors have outdoor cats.  One of their cats must have crawled under my car to nap.  And now I’m going to kill their cat.  Not my fault, of course.  But they are really going to hate me even more now!!

But then I think again.  That noise really doesn’t sound like a cat, it sounds more like a bird.  A bird?  A bird must have flown under my car somehow and gotten stuck.  I am killing a bird.  Or what if a bird started a nest in my car and laid her eggs there and her eggs hatched and I am hearing the babies chirping! Oh my God.  I am going to get to the mall and pop my hood and there will be dead birds in my car!


And I’m not going to be able to touch a dead bird because … well, EW!  So I am going to have to find a man in the parking lot and ask him to take the dead birds out of my car and dispose of them somehow.  But what man on a shopping trip will be willing to do this for me?

Then I look down and see my window buttons.  Huh, I wonder if one of my windows wasn’t rolled up all the way?  Maybe it’s cracked just the slightest bit and I can’t tell.  So I push each button.  Sure enough, window slides up.  Noise disappears.

And then I realize that I have driven my car every day for about the last 3 weeks – so there is no way a bird would have been able to make a nest, lay eggs, and hatch the eggs undisturbed so that this could have happened.

I think unemployment is rotting my brain.


One Response to “Reason #4,076 that I’m a big dummy”

  1. The Vamp Tramp April 17, 2010 at 11:12 pm #

    Too funny. Don’t feel bad. Been there, done that. 😉

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