Fourteen Years

19 Aug

I “liked” my college alma mater on Facebook and so now they pop up on my wall occasionally.  Lately, it’s been with messages for incoming freshman.  Either about Orientation, or moving in, or the first weekend’s activities.  Fourteen years ago (way before we all had a Facebook existed with these helpful messages), I was moving in.  I remember how terrified I was.  During the summer orientation, I had met some nice people and it seemed like fun, but this was going to be real life.  I was moving out.  I was irritable all morning packing up the car.  I was cranky the entire time the orientation aides were helping my family unpack and move things into my room. I was first and my mom was so excited that I got to pick the bed first and I was mean and told her it was so small that who cared.  We realized I forgot to bring laundry detergent so my dad asked the RA where the closest store was.  I refused to walk with my parents to go get it so they went out to buy it while I unpacked.  And then they were leaving and I bawled.  After being mean to them all morning, I was so sad they were leaving and I was on my own.  I was left alone to make friends (so awkwardly, God, I was so awkward) and discover parties and discover warm beer.   And it was terrifying.

But in a way, I wish I could go back to that day and start it all over again.  I would do so much differently and be more involved in things and make more friends and just experience more than dirty basements and kegs of Natty Ice.   And studied more.  But then I guess my life would probably have led me towards a completely different path.  I just wonder how different.  Could it have led me to the same places just in a happier state of mind? 

I guess I’ll never know. I can’t go back.  I’m stuck where I am and the only thing I change is the future.


2 Responses to “Fourteen Years”

  1. Stella M. August 20, 2010 at 10:12 am #

    Well, wondering “what if” is inevitable at some point.
    Agreed on your last few lines. All we have got is the possibility to modify and change our future, I guess.
    As for universities in the US, can’t students share a flat off-campus with friends they already know… or are they to live on-campus with, like, random roommates?
    Just out of curiosity.
    Have a great week-end! 🙂

  2. NGS August 21, 2010 at 4:23 pm #

    I would study have studied less!! I think the grass is always greener on the other side!

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