Conflicting Emotions

7 Sep

We were sitting in the waiting room at the RE’s office and there was a girl waiting at the check in desk for someone to stop by. (It was a weekend so the office staff wasn’t there.)  When a nurse stopped by, she asked for a doctor.  The nurse told her that the doctor on call was downstairs at the IVF center doing a transfer and she could go down and talk to him when he was done. 

When I heard that the doctor was doing a transfer, I got all happy for the person who was getting the transfer done. I thought – how exciting for them!  They must be so excited and they could potentially be pregnant this month!  So tell me why do I feel so happy for a total stranger?  But when my friends tell me they are pregnant, I have to struggle to have a happy reaction sometimes?

Maybe it’s because I know this stranger who is going through IVF is having just as hard a time of it as me whereas most of my friends get pregnant very easily?   And I don’t want to sound like I’m not happy for my friends. I am.  It’s just that I feel that pang of jealousy that makes it hard for me to be happy right away.

Sometimes I really feel like a terrible person.

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One Response to “Conflicting Emotions”

  1. Stella M. September 9, 2010 at 7:54 am #

    You shouldn’t feel bad about it. I mean, you can’t “decide” your immediate reactions when you get some news. And, yes, I think it’s easier to sympathise with strangers who are getting through similar issues like you than with friends who maybe are not having any trouble in that specific field.

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