Day 10 – Something you’re afraid of

31 Oct

This is ideal that I’m posting this on Halloween!

I fear so many things.  My biggest physical fear used to be dogs but now that I have one, I am getting so much better.  I am still very nervous when there are dogs I don’t know off leash, but I’m much better than I was.  I’m still afraid of bugs and snakes and getting bed bugs or lice or Lyme disease.  I’m afraid of walking out to my car at night – not because of a rapist or a murderer.  But because there might be zombies coming to get me.  I’m afraid there’s something or someone behind me when I’m watching scary movies.

But then there are the fears that are harder to handle because they’re so abstract.  I’m afraid of losing all my friends.  I’m afraid of being alone.  I’m afraid of being miserable for the rest of my life.  I’m afraid I’ll never have kids.  I’m afraid if I do have kids, I’ll mess them up. I’m afraid that people are judging me.  I’m afraid that I’ve made terrible choices in my life and I will come to regret them.  I’m afraid of looking stupid. 

Most of those fears stems from my insecurity about never feeling that I’m good enough.  I always feel like I’m lacking in some fundamental way.  Even when there is evidence to the contrary. 

Maybe it’s better that I focus on my fear of getting into the house as quickly as possible in case there are spies from another country chasing me.  At least that fear is manageable!


2 Responses to “Day 10 – Something you’re afraid of”

  1. FCblacksheep October 31, 2010 at 8:43 pm #

    hahahahhaha…this is too much. Again, we’re so much alike it’s almost scary. I too am afraid of everything, not so much the zombies and international spies, but I hate walking to my car at night because I’m convinced bats are going to come flying at me and just this past summer I went to go in my garden and tore back across the yard at a full run shrieking at the top my lungs and flung myself at Blue who was walking in the garage. Mind you we live in a twin in a neighborhood with homes spaced close together so everyone heard and saw me. The source of my craziness? I heard a noise in the garden and thought it was a mouse. Turns out it was a rabbit. Still scary. It could have rabies.

    And the not being good enough thing and people judging crap? Sweetie we should form a support group. For reals. I’m a basket case.

  2. Stella M November 8, 2010 at 1:52 pm #

    The abstract fears are definitely toughest.
    Glad I’m not the only one afraid of little animals. I’m afraid of insects, barking dogs and snakes.
    Hope you had a great Halloween. We don’t have this celebration but I would have loved to do “trick or treat” when I was a child!

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