Someone has a case of the blahs

21 Nov

It’s been an odd two weeks.  At first I was in such a good mood, convinced that this IUI would be the one and that I’d be pregnant soon.  I had a great feeling about it. My husband had a great feeling about it.  My friend was 95% sure that this was the one.  And then about a week ago, it all came crashing down.  I felt really pessimistic about everything – including this cycle and was sure that it didn’t work.  My husband kept telling me that these feelings, both the good and bad ones, are just feelings and mean nothing. 

But I tested last night (2 days early) and it was negative and I was just so miserable.  I cried forever last night and today, I’m still in a terrible mood.  I feel like this is all so hopeless and no matter how many times we try, it won’t work.  There’s nothing I can do, I have no control over any of this outside of going to the doctor’s appointments. 

So now I’m working through all these thoughts. The crazy ones like maybe it was too early and I’ll get a phone call on Tuesday after my bloodwork that I am pregnant.  Or maybe this next one will be the one – right before Christmas – a Christmas miracle.  And I’m already starting to panic about what’s going to happen with this cycle with Thanksgiving this week – what if I have to go to the doctor’s over Thanksgiving? They won’t be open!! They’ll be eating turkey.

Ugh, I just feel so frustrated about all this.  I feel so hopeless like it’s never going to happen and I have to look at people’s kid’s pictures and belly shots on Facebook and it’s just torture and breaks my heart.

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4 Responses to “Someone has a case of the blahs”

  1. janet November 21, 2010 at 2:17 pm #

    I’m sorry. I know this feeling well. I finally deleted facebook from my phone and stopped visiting so much. I hated that I hated pregnant people. Hoping for good news for you soon.

  2. CW November 21, 2010 at 8:45 pm #

    oh I am sorry to hear you are feeling down. I hadn’t realised you had snuck an IUI in. one day it will be you seeing those magic two lines and yes you did check 2 whole days early. lots can change in two days so I will refuse to believe it is over till its over.

  3. Stella M. November 26, 2010 at 4:57 pm #

    I am so sorry for what you are going through. I really hope you will have good news as soon as possible. Hang in there! 🙂 A big hug.

  4. Holli November 26, 2010 at 8:25 pm #

    😦 My heart hurts for you. It will happen though. You deserve it, and it will happen.

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