Cycle Update

13 Feb

I’m 10dpo right now.  And freaking out.  I feel no different than I normally do at this point in my cycle.  And my friend keeps reminding me that I really don’t have any symptoms after I trigger so I probably won’t have super early symptoms like some people do.  And that she felt nothing at all until she was six weeks.

So I alternate between thinking that I’m positive that this cycle worked and this cramping I’m feeling is implantation related and thinking that I’m positive this cycle failed and my period is on its way to break my heart in half.

This is crazy, I know.  But at one point I was sitting in my family room reading a book and I got this feeling, just for the briefest second, I was positive I was pregnant.  I was anxious and happy and excited and sure.  So sure.  And then the feeling went away as quickly as it came and was replaced by doubt gnawing away at my heart and my mind.  And I keep clinging to that moment thinking and wishing that it was some sort of sixth sense that came from nowhere for just a moment. 

On Thursday, I go in for my bloodwork.  I will probably test at home with my husband on Wednesday.  We both agree it’s easier to find out with each other standing there rather than me getting a phone call from the nurse while I’m at work.  If I already know that it’s negative, it makes that phone call a little easier to bear on my own.  And if we find out it’s positive, we can celebrate together.

I just want this to be over. I want to be pregnant. I want to move on to the next phase.  I want my sister-in-law to stop pitying me because she is pregnant and I am not.  I want this 3.5 year wait to be over.

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2 Responses to “Cycle Update”

  1. FCblacksheep February 14, 2011 at 9:37 pm #

    The way I look at it, no symptoms are good symptoms. For me, AF usually comes on kind of strong and is generally hard to miss.

    It’s funny because I always wait for that feeling that I’m pregnant. I actually read it once as a pregnancy symptom. I think it was termed something like “an overwhelming sense that you’re pregnant.” I’ve personally never felt that, just convinced myself I have, so I consider it a sign that you have.

    I hope so much this is it for you.

  2. Lauren February 15, 2011 at 9:51 am #

    I so sincerely hope this is it for you!!!! And I don’t blame you for ‘cheating’ ahead of time – I do that every cycle. 🙂

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