Don’t hold your breath

16 Mar

I wanted to update because I didn’t want to think anyone that I was too busy doing a dance of joy to post.  As I expected, this cycle was another bust.  When I left my bloodwork appointment, the phlebotomist said I hope I see you in two days (for bloodwork to confirm a pregnancy) and I told her not to hold her breath.

I felt bad. It was bitter.  But I had already tested at home. I knew this was not my month.  So it starts again.  The heartbreak that it didn’t work.  The fear that it will never work.  The jealousy of those that get pregnant so easily.  The worry of having to deal with this at work and requesting even more time off.  The eternal hope that next month will be my month mixed with the knowledge that I have thought that over and over again and it hasn’t been.

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2 Responses to “Don’t hold your breath”

  1. chon March 16, 2011 at 8:10 pm #

    This is bullshit. I am really sorry. i thought it might have been a BFN. So what now? Do you have a break or go straight into another one or even worse think IVF? Have they got a diagnosis for you guys or is it just bloody unexplained? So many questions fired at you – what a pain. big hugs love xxxx

  2. FCblacksheep March 17, 2011 at 7:04 am #

    I’m so sorry. This really sucks. I’d been thinking maybe because there was no update it was good news. Thinking of you and here to support you no matter what comes next.

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