26 May

I swear one day I’ll start posting about non-TTC type stuff.  But right now I just don’t have the energy to think of something.

We did a second injectables IUI cycle.  I got my period three days early.  It was (TMI alert) a good amount of blood and looked like a period.  This was not spotting.  So after much debate, we decided to try another injectables cycle while starting to pursue IVF and getting our ducks in a row for IVF.  I went in for bloodwork and ultrasound and no can do –  cysts.  Last ditch effort cycle cancelled just like that.  Oh well, I guess we’re taking a forced break.

But the bloodwork had been drawn already so of course it was run.  Because of my insurance, betas don’t come back til the next day.  So yesterday my doctor’s office called me.  I was confused.  If results are normal, they don’t call.  And since my cycle was cancelled, I figured they wouldn’t call no matter what.  I let it go to voicemail because I was busy with someone and I figured they were just calling to tell me something absurd like my uterus is falling out.  As my coworker left my cube, she told me I was pregnant.  I laughed.

Then I listened to the voicemail.  About two seconds into I ran out of my cube and into the bathroom because I was sobbing.  My beta was drawn on 13 dpo.  It was a 16.  Of course it was.  Not high enough to say pregnant, but not low enough to say not pregnant.  SIXTEEN.  Either I’m pregnant and it’s building or I was for a split second and now I’m not. 

Sixteen.  Seriously?  Sixteen?

Nothing to do but go back today for more bloodwork and wait for them to call me with the results tomorrow.  Are the numbers going up? Or are they going down?  I have a hunch they will be going down.  I had a period.  That can’t be a good thing. 

So I sit here and wait.  And I figure the numbers will be going down.  But let’s be honest, there’s the thought in the back of my head that maybe those numbers will go up. And maybe this will be it.  And no matter what the answer will be, I think I will be sobbing in the bathroom at work again tomorrow. 

I go back and forth.  It was only 13 dpo!  Of course the number is going to be low!  Totally pregnant.  But no, I got my period.  Of course the number is low, it was a chemical pregnancy.  Totally not pregnant.  There’s a ping-pong game going on inside my brain. 

I’ll know tomorrow.  But seriously, is this some kind of joke the universe is playing on me? 

Sixteen?  Could I have gotten a less definitive number if I tried?


2 Responses to “Sixteen”

  1. FCblacksheep May 26, 2011 at 8:58 pm #

    What a roller coaster ride.

    With my chemical pregnancy, I had a five. So already I’d say you’re doing better than that.

    First, I’m going to give a little yay because you’re pregnant but I know how strange this is right now and how you’re not sure whether to be hopeful, excited, accept your fate, come to terms with it, etc. and etc. What an absolutely nerve wracking time.

    But you’re pregnant and whatever happens from here on out I promise you this, once the dust settles this fact alone will be a source of comfort and is the beginning to a happy end, no matter the outcome of those numbers.

    Wishing you the best and crossing my fingers that your numbers shot right up.

  2. chon May 26, 2011 at 9:14 pm #

    ok so i have just recalculated my Hcg for you.

    I was 91 @ 16DPO doubling time 48 hours so I would have been 45.50 at 14dpo which means @ 13DPO I was probably 22.75.

    Not really out of the realm of possibilities. All that needs to happen is that number keeps doubling.

    Fk now I am nervous.

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