No one told me it would be so glamorous!

8 Aug

Before I begin this post, let me say that I’m so grateful for every little symptom that reminds me that I’m pregnant and that confirms that my baby is still in there.  Every time I throw up, I cry, because I hate throwing up more than anything.  But then I say a little prayer thanking God that the baby must still be in there if I’m still puking, right?

But no one told me about the little things that come with pregnancy symptoms that you didn’t really expect.  I mean, I wasn’t expecting a picnic but I wasn’t expecting such embarrassment.  At least not so early on.  I thought that would come later with the farting without any notice and the pooping while pushing. 

But there’s been embarrassment already.  Like the fact that the water in the toilets of the bathrooms at work is unusually high.  So when you puke, toilet water splashes up in your face.  Work toilet water.  Toilet water that other people who are not your family and friends (which still ew… but coworker toilet water is way grosser) pee and poop in splashes up in your face.  So you don’t wear makeup so that you can freely scrub your face with hand soap and water after you puke at work.  Also, no one ever told me I would ever shove my boss out of the way while running out of a site wide meeting to puke.  So classy and certainly the way to work your way up the career ladder, right?

Also, no one ever told me that I would puke so hard that I would pee my pants.  And before you say, surely this is a rare occurrence, don’t make so much of it.  It’s happened like four times. Four times. I have peed my pants while puking up my guts.  My husband is a freaking saint and throws the laundry in with just a minimal amount of mocking.  But still?  I’m peeing my pants on a semi-regular basis.  Again… classy.

And the Bella band… so beautiful in theory.  In execution? Well, it’s like when you wear control top pantyhose and they slip or roll and just don’t stay in place like you like.  So sometimes you lean over to pick something up and you stand up and the Bella Band has slipped up so your unbuttoned pants start to fall right off your butt and you pray no one has walked behind you and isn’t see your butt.  So classy.

No one ever told me it would be so glamorous.


2 Responses to “No one told me it would be so glamorous!”

  1. FCblacksheep August 8, 2011 at 8:38 pm #

    Oh man. At first I was really upset and worried that I didn’t have morning sickness, but I got to say puking in the work bathroom (does it have several stalls? mine does) isn’t my idea of a good time. That sucks.

    Peeing when you puke is like adding insult to injury. I tinkle when I sneeze really hard and every time I say a little swear word.

    For the belly band, try tying fastening the button and loop with a hair band and then fold the belly band on top. I used that combo the entire first trimester and most of the second and it worked like a charm. Long shirts on top of all that really help too. Makes peeing in a jiff a bit of a pain, but the pants stay up.

  2. Kels August 16, 2011 at 7:38 am #

    I try to do my puking in my bathroom at home, so that I can put the lower half of my body in the shower stall and my head in the toilet. It means that when I pee my pants it goes straight down the shower drain. From an experienced puker 🙂

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: