Expectant Mother

7 Nov

As I walked into work today, I was muttering under my breath. I was saying, “I quit, I quit, I quit” over and over again.  I just thought that maybe if I kept saying it, it might come true. My badge wouldn’t work and I’d get to go home without having to do any of the messy work of quitting and admitting to my husband what I had done.

So while I was thinking all this, I saw it – the car parked in the expectant mother spot.  Seriously, how many poor punches in the gut am I going to get?  I don’t know how to deal with it.  I hated it there.  Now I’m back.  Every corner of the place reminds of how much I hate it or how much I miss being pregnant.  I had heard rumblings of congratulations last week and I thought that someone might be pregnant. But now it is confirmed.  I get to watch someone else grow big while my dreams will not come true.

There are about 150 people at my site.  How is it possible that there is always a pregnant person there?  Granted, I was that pregnant person for a while, but now I’m not.  And someone has taken my spot.

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5 Responses to “Expectant Mother”

  1. Detour November 8, 2011 at 11:20 am #

    Anna, I am so sorry for your loss. I feel like anything I say is inadequate, but know that my heart is breaking for you.

    There is always at least one preggo at my office of 40 people, and over the summer 4 people (2 women, 2 men) became parents for the first time. I hate that you have to see an “expectant mother” parking spot every day. It kills me to see those spots at Whole Foods andI can’t imagine facing them every day.

  2. FCblacksheep November 9, 2011 at 10:09 pm #

    Wow I’m so glad we don’t have a spot like that. I’m very sorry you have to deal with that. I hope you’re able to quit that job soon. It’s not helping at all.

  3. Amy November 10, 2011 at 8:45 pm #

    Anna, I am so sorry. Sorry that you lost so much, that you have to miss him instead of getting to have him, and that it’s so damn unfair. It’s just so wrong and I hate it for you. I’m brand new here, so I hope I’m not missing too much of your story to say this, but I think it’s amazing that you’ve gone back to work – it’s great that you have done something that you probably thought was impossible, but now that you’ve gotten “back on the horse,” I hope there’s a way to get off of it and find a better horse or break the horse or anything to get some breathing room.

  4. Heather November 12, 2011 at 10:36 am #

    Anna you are so brave to get through all this. I really hope another opportunity opens up for you so that you don’t have to keep going to a job you hate so much. And I hope the adoption thing works out for you soon and that the birth mother doesn’t change her mind. In short, that all your wishes and dreams come true.

  5. NewYear Mum November 13, 2011 at 1:12 am #

    It’s so hard when there’s someone right in front whose pregnant… especially after all that you’ve been through. I’m so sorry to hear about your work… is there any way of moving jobs to something you like ? My heart goes out to you… I can only imagine a fraction of what you’re going through… be gentle on yourself and we’re all here for you xoxo

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