And she is

17 Nov

Do I have pregdar? Or do I have pregdar?

The coworker that I thought was pregnant is in fact pregnant.

So, now I’m contending with two pregnant women at work.

It’s hard.  So hard.  She told me that she knew before I lost the baby.  But she didn’t want to steal my thunder by telling me.  And then after I lost the baby, she didn’t want to upset me.  She finally told me because she was showing. She was 18 weeks when she told me.  She told me that “we didn’t have to talk about it” and that she just wanted to be the one to tell me.  By this point, I was fairly certain she was pregnant and had come to terms with it.  I was willing to talk about it.  I asked how far along she was, if she knew what she was having.  She answered in very short responses with tears in her eyes and told me we don’t have to talk about it.

She meant well. But…

I was willing to talk about it.  She wasn’t.

She didn’t want to tell me.  She kept it from me.  She thinks that she was doing that for me.  To not upset me.  But really she was doing it because she didn’t want to be upset by my reaction to it.  I was willing to talk about it.  I wasn’t the one crying.  She acted like she was protecting me, but she was really protecting herself from a difficult conversation.

I’m not quite sure how to feel about that.

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4 Responses to “And she is”

  1. FCblacksheep November 17, 2011 at 10:16 pm #

    I agree. It sounds like it’s a topic she didn’t want to discuss. It’s a hard situation. On one hand, it was very nice of her to be delicate about the situation; on the other, avoiding conservation with you about anything baby related is like turning her back on what happened. It’s the thing that always frustrated me when I was pregnant (though not the same thing); it astonished me how many people were genuinely concerned about my well being, yet even some of the same people who knew about our infertility never really asked about it while we were trying. It’s like it made them too uncomfortable. She does deserve some credit for trying.

  2. Creating A Rainbow November 18, 2011 at 12:30 pm #

    You are so right – she was just protecting herself. I hate having to play preggo spy when it is so much easier for me (psychologically) to just have them tell me and then say they will be sensitive to me. I hate, hate, hate people trying to “protect me” or “make me feel” a certain way. They can’t control me….and unfortunately, we can’t control them either. DAMN IT!

  3. Alissa November 19, 2011 at 12:57 am #

    I am sure she meant well. That is how everyone acts around me too. There are two preggo ladies at my office also, my boss being one of them. I talked to her a little while today to show her that she didn’t have to avoid the topic. It sucks balls.

  4. NewYear Mum November 19, 2011 at 3:39 pm #

    It’s so hard when others think they’re protecting us… when it’s them that doesn’t want the difficult conversation or to be confronted with the reality that babies don’t always arrive perfectly at term. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to face two pregnant women at work… I found that virtually impossible for months after Gabrielle passed away – I would just avoid seeing them at all cost. You are so brave. Love always xoxo

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