Step one – Get help

22 Nov

So, I finally did it.  No, that’s wrong.  I didn’t do anything.  I just showed up.  My  husband made the appointments and I just showed up.  But didn’t someone once say that ninety percent of life is just showing up?

My husband made us an appointment with the therapist that we started to go to right before we got pregnant.  I was actually pregnant at our first appointment, but I didn’t know it yet.  We continued to see her throughout my pregnancy to deal with our feelings about pregnancy after infertility.  Obviously, we thought we needed to go back after we lost the baby but it felt like just too much energy to call and make the appointment.  So he did it and we went back.  It was good to talk and to hear her thoughts.  She wholeheartedly approved of us exploring adoption.  She even gave us the names of a couple to talk to, which is a whole other post.  Remind me to write about that if I don’t. She also recommended that we come to the infertility support group that she moderates.  She had asked us to attend earlier but then I got pregnant and I felt awkward going there as a newly pregnant woman.

But then last week, we went and it was great.  I am a moron for not doing this earlier.  I knew that our RE had these support groups and I was always too afraid to go.  I really need to have a talk with myself about fear stopping me from doing things.  I really could have benefited from the support group the entire time I was going through my IUI cycles.  Now that I’ve gone once, I think I will feel more comfortable going on my own, even if my husband can’t make it.  It was ridiculous of me to let fear dominate my life and to not go because I didn’t know what to expect.

It was amazing to talk to these women who were going through the same things.  These women who had the same stories as me, the same fears as me, and the same heartbreak as me.  They also had the same hopes as I did and were willing to take many different paths to get there.  They were so supportive.  I was so excited about one woman’s upcoming transfer.  She was curious and excited about our choice to explore adoption.  It was a support system.  It was my blog world in real life!

So, we’re getting help.  As excited as I am to be starting to research adoption, I know I need to heal the wounds that infertility and losing our baby  have left on my heart.  Unfortunately, our therapist is not in network so we’re paying for that out-of-pocket.  I’d like to continue with her for a little while longer because she knows our history and because she sees us both together.  But it’s time for me to stop just showing up and find a therapist of my own.  I want to continue to get better, so that I can be the best mom I can be to that baby that is somewhere in our future.

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4 Responses to “Step one – Get help”

  1. Jay November 22, 2011 at 2:29 pm #

    I’m glad you reached out and I’m even more glad it helped. Think of you often and I’m so happy to see you moving forward.

  2. FCblacksheep November 22, 2011 at 5:28 pm #

    Wow that all sounds amazing. I was always so hesitant to explore the support groups too. I’m so glad it was such a positive experience. I know you referenced posting about it, but I’d love to hear about your exploration into the adoption process. Talking to another couple about it sounds like a great idea. Best of luck on the new therapist search!

  3. JIN @ LOVE,LOSS + LACQUER November 22, 2011 at 10:10 pm #

    Congrats on your therapy session. I lost my first born this past July – she was born preterm at 23 weeks and passed away 4 hours later. I’d been encouraged to attend support groups but never went – finally a nurse suggested I attend therapy because she realized that I wasn’t getting better. It has definitely helped me and it sounds as though it’s helping you as well. Best of luck to you on your journey 🙂
    – JIN

  4. NewYear Mum November 24, 2011 at 12:09 am #

    Wonderful that you found it so helpful… I don’t know how I would have gotten through the past 18months without seeing someone. It’s hard to take the first step but so worth it. I hope you find someone for yourself that you feel comfortable with and is with you for your new step. Love always xoxo

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