Giving thanks

24 Nov

It’s Thanksgiving.  It’s time be grateful for the things I do have.  I spend a lot of time mourning my loss but I need to remember that I have a lot to be thankful for in my life.

I have a husband who almost never left my side while I was in the hospital.  He hardly slept.  He didn’t shower.  He went home twice, for about an hour each time, in eight days.  He never left me.  He was my rock.  He still is.  What we went through was horrible and a tragedy, but we are closer for having gone through it together.

My family has been incredibly supportive.  My mom still worries about me.  My father and brother text me all the time.  My mother-in-law stayed at the hospital with me for three days straight and then visited every day.  They say the wrong thing constantly but they try.  They surround me with their love and look out for me.  They’re not perfect but they try. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

We have amazing pets that are part of our family.  They love us so much (and the feeling is mutual).  The cat hates the dog but he still loves us and snuggles with me every night.  The dog… I don’t even know what to say about him.  He is filled with so much love and the best thing I ever did was adopt him.  His puppy dog eyes and his sweet floppy ears are enough to make me smile after a rotten day.  There is nothing better than when he climbs up onto our overstuffed armchair with me and snuggles up.  The dog has chewed apart our house.  They both leave hair everywhere they go.  They both throw up in inopportune places at inopportune moments.  The cat has clawed our bed and carpet.  I couldn’t live without them.

We are fortunate that we can afford adoption.  We are lucky that I became pregnant after IUI instead of IVF so we didn’t have to dip into our savings too much for our fertility treatment.  We are lucky that we both have jobs that pay us enough that we were able to save money that can be used towards adoption.  Not everyone is so lucky.

My friends have been amazing.  They have let me vent and cry and rant and rave.  They ignored the fact that I was completely self obsessed for a long time and never asked a question about them.  They ignored the fact that I could turn any happy or normal conversation into a sob fest.  They didn’t care that I would ignore phone calls and emails and text messages.  They didn’t mention it when I forgot their birthdays.  When I slowly started to return to normal, they just let me do it.  They didn’t draw attention to it.  They just said they were happy I was sounding better and left it at that.

This includes all my blog world friends.  You all saved me when I lost the baby.  Your emails, your comments, and your support were my lifeline when I didn’t know how to get through the next hour of my life, much less the next day.  I got an email from a blogger after I posted that I lost the baby and she told me that all I had to do was get through it one hour at a time because that’s all I’d be able to handle.  It made me feel so much more sane because that was literally what I was doing.  I would stare at the clock in the hospital and say if I can just make it one more hour, then maybe this won’t kill me.  I know it’s not possible to die from a broken heart, but it felt that way at the time.  That email made me feel like I might survive if only just for an hour at a time. No one I knew in person would be able to understand that, but you all did.

I’m so grateful for all this and more.


One Response to “Giving thanks”

  1. chon November 24, 2011 at 7:41 pm #

    I love your thankful list. I am thankful for you that you have in a year that has had the highest of highs and the lowest of lows something to hold onto. I want to eat some turkey after hearing all of these posts. I am so jealous why can’t we have thanksgiving in Australia – crazy people – public holiday for a horse race but no public holiday for spending time with families 🙂

    I am thrilled with the adoption news as well. Maybe this is what is meant to be. Hugs!

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