20 Jan

My body is confused.  Terribly confused.  I have slight twinges and cramps, like my uterus is stretching.  My breasts are sore.  I have small bouts of nausea.  My belly seems bigger. I gained four pounds this week.  Is that even possible?

The worst part of it all is that I want to nest.  I want to clean things up and organize.  I want to sort out the office and our spare room – the room that would have been the nursery.  I have this urge to get the house in order and prepare.  Prepare for what?  There is no baby coming on February 1st.

Despite what my body thinks, I’m not pregnant.  Despite what my mind thinks, there is no baby to nest for.

Instead I try to put my head down and ignore all these things.  And hope that when February 2nd comes around, these feelings will fade.


3 Responses to “Nesting”

  1. Janet January 20, 2012 at 10:25 pm #

    I hope so too. I can’t say things got a lot better for me after the due date, but at least that particular burden had passed. It’s still hard, just different.

    I hope the anticipation of it is worse than the actual day. Thinking of you.

    (I’ve been completely slammed at work and not around much. I feel like I haven’t said hi in forever!)

  2. Chon January 21, 2012 at 3:51 am #

    I think that once the day arrives the nervousness about it approaching will go and you can slowly take tentatiive steps forward. Thinking of you always. Xxw

  3. Sara January 22, 2012 at 12:42 pm #

    I know what it’s like to reach that due date and not have a baby to hold. For me, it was only a two week wait; I can’t imagine how hard these four months have been for you. I’m so sorry that you’re having to go through this. Blessings.

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