Ups and downs

12 Mar

I was cleaning last weekend in preparation for a visit from my parents.  I invited them to come down and go see the Flower Show in Philadelphia with us.  It was a Hawaii theme this year and my parents love Hawaii so I thought they would love it.  My mother tends to go over my housekeeping skills with a fine toothed comb so I was scrubbing the house down.  I found an old photo album and so instead of cleaning, I did what any normal person would do and procrastinated by flipping through the album.

I found a picture of myself from 2001.  I remember the night clearly.  We were at our usual bar.  It wasn’t an unusual night. It was just what we always did on weekends back then.  We all showed up at this bar and everyone would be there.  And we were sitting with people I didn’t even like that much.   In this picture, I’m sitting between my husband (then boyfriend) and one of our best friends.  And I have this huge smile on my face.  I am so happy.  I am wearing no makeup – only lip gloss.  My hair isn’t done – it’s just down and wavy.  I’m just glowing with happiness on an ordinary Saturday night sitting at a table of people I didn’t even like that much.

I don’t even recognize that girl.  I flipped and flipped and flipped through more recent photos and I can’t even find a smile that comes close to that smile.  I’m not that person anymore.  A regular Saturday night wouldn’t make me that happy anymore.  I think that was my tipping point.  I knew I hadn’t been happy in a very long time but I didn’t realize how drastic the change was.  I didn’t realize that it was so evident just by looking at me.

I started to make more of an effort to enjoy myself and to be happy.  I treated myself to a pedicure.  I bought shoes.  We went shopping this weekend and bought things for the house.  We uncluttered the kitchen a bit.  I started to feel better – more up.  I guess I had forgotten about gravity.  What goes up must come down.

I had applied and interviewed for a job – a perfect job.  I was so utterly qualified.  I had been referred by a director at the company in a group related to the group the position was in.  I had a recommendation from someone who the hiring manager knew.  Everyone loved me on the interview.  I loved the people.  I even got a response to my thank you email.  That never happens.  Today, I learned that they decided to go with another candidate.  I am so upset.  I’m not sure who this person is but I can’t imagine how they could be more qualified than me.  I feel like this is a huge huge setback.  I was feeling so good and now I’m feeling so down.  I know I can’t let this one thing dictate my mood but seriously, Universe? Can’t a girl catch a break?


2 Responses to “Ups and downs”

  1. chon March 13, 2012 at 12:20 am #

    I guess the trick is to not take it to personally. It sucks and they led you on but it isn’t your fault.

    The great thing is that you are back out there, trying to find a new job.

    Spring is such a lovely time. Renewing.

  2. Mo March 16, 2012 at 4:21 am #

    What goes up must come down, that is so true.
    Here’s how I look at things (at least for now, hopefully it holds true):
    I hit rock bottom. There is no lower than losing Nadav. If there is, I don’t want to know what that is.
    So I hit rock bottom, and now I’m on a climb. It’s a steep, slippery slope and sometimes I lose my grasp a bit and slide down a bit. But never all the way down. It’s a slow, frustrating climb, but it’s still a climb.
    Sending you love and light.

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