How to break my heart

18 May

If you want your heart to break, look through the things that people search for to find your blog.  I don’t have the funny ones. (Maybe a few – someone keep searching for spoiled rotten Anna .  Is that a hint?)  Instead I get ones that break my heart in two:

  • got hgc levels taken yesterday and dr told me to go in today to talk about results wil they be good or bad
  • how to shake the impending feeling of doom
  • no one told me this would be so hard
  • ttc betas going down then up
  • will the first response test be accrate even 8 days before miss period
  • and every day i fail
  • i feel like if i disappeared today no one would notice
  • life feels pointless why bother?
  • no one will notice if i’m gone
  • today was supposed to be my anniversary but we broke up before it happened
  • i feel like my body is failing

Infertility is a cruel, heartless bitch.  It takes and it takes.  And even the success stories are scarred by their time in the trenches.  I’m sorry to those of you looking for TTC answers here.  I don’t have any.  All I have are my own experiences.  I so remember the days of typing these questions into Google, praying that someone will have had the exact same experience as me and will have posted my future on their blog.  I can’t promise that but I can promise I can tell you what I’ve been through.

And whoever you are searching for this: someone will notice if you’re gone.  Don’t disappear.

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One Response to “How to break my heart”

  1. casey May 31, 2012 at 7:12 am #

    Wow.

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