Not a true representation

29 May

I feel like every post I write on here is so sad.  It’s not a true representation of my life though. I tend to come here when I have something to say.  When I’ve been mulling something over in my head.  And the truth of the matter is that I mull over the sad things far longer than I mull over the happy things.  The happy things just kind of fade into the background but the sad things – they stay and they worm their way into my head and into my heart and make a home until I don’t remember the happy anymore.

But there is happy.  I had a job interview that went really well. As in, they are calling my references. As in, the interview wrapped up with the mention of when to expect an offer.  As in, we just have to clear this with the higher-ups.  So it’s like a 75% sure thing, I’d say.

Also, I’ve been doing a lot of baking.  It’s been so fun and I’ve been trying riskier things.  Like strawberry cupcakes with swiss meringue buttercream and this crazy seven sins chocolate cake and a cake decorated like this rose cake, along with simpler things like white cake with buttercream frosting and tiramisu cupcakes. It’s been fun trying new things and getting better at decorating.  If I wasn’t so lazy, I’d post some pictures.

I went to get a mani/pedi the other day and it was close to closing time.  So they had someone do my manicure while I was getting my pedicure done.  I got a case of the giggles because I felt like such a rich posh lady having both done at the same time.  Not so fancy was my choice of color: beach bum blu by Essie but it felt so summery and fun that I had to try it.  I love it on my toes more than on my fingers but manicures never last long on me so I’m ok with it!

So, I am having good days.  I’m reading good books. I’m making baby steps towards adoption.  I’m going to therapy and support groups.  I’m making plans for the summer.  I’m hoping to ignore the sad and push it out of my heart to make room for the happy.

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4 Responses to “Not a true representation”

  1. brooke May 29, 2012 at 11:54 am #

    It’s so hard to feel like you’ve adequately represented how you feel. When I am doing well and I write about feeling a new kind of happiness, I often end up bawling my eyes out an hour later and feeling like hell. When I write about how sad and miserable I am, I might find myself that same evening laughing with my husband at our crazy dogs and feeling really peaceful. The inconsistency is one of the biggest challenges.

    I love your baking adventurousness–I always stick to my old stand-bys that I know I won’t screw up, but maybe I need to push my limits!

    • Anna May 29, 2012 at 5:25 pm #

      Oh my gosh, what a perfect example of what I’m feeling. You’re so right. Sometimes I post something so depressing and then the next day I want to post something hilarious that happened and I think I can’t post this. People are going to think I’m manic-depressive. Yesterday my world was going to end and today I’m laughing at a guy that tripped over thin air and then pretending he was breaking into a jog to cover up for it. I guess I have to realize I’m not the only one feeling this way.

      It really is easier than you’d think to push your baking limits. I was SO intimidated by things like pastry cream and swiss meringue buttercream. I think dealing with eggs scares me. But it’s all gone so well! I don’t know why I was scared. So I just keeping pushing further!

  2. Jackie May 30, 2012 at 12:42 pm #

    SO happy to hear about the potential job!

    Blogging is hard when one emotion is easier to share than the other. I am the opposite. It is easier for me to write about happy things, but I am NOT happy all the time. When I am sad I just don’t put it into words well, and usually don’t end up blogging about the sad stuff often.

  3. loveisblonde May 31, 2012 at 4:39 pm #

    I totally know what you mean. It’s like, if I say I’ve been happy, then that doesn’t leave much room for also being sad. And vice versa. When really, I’m both, most of the time.

    Almost-congrats on the almost-new job! Hurrah! And baked goods and pretty toes are good too 🙂

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