Step two

23 Aug

We had our meeting with our social worker at the adoption agency.  Well, not our social worker.  Our social worker was at the hospital assisting with a discharge for a birth mother that had just given birth so her colleague stepped in.  It went really well. It felt like a good second step and reinforced my decision that we made the right choice with this agency.

Everything was laid out and explained very clearly.  They have a clear system and we know what our next steps are but it’s far from feeling like we are just another couple they are cycling through their system.  We went through the entire fee system again and clarified when each fee was due.  We were able to ask questions about the fee schedule and what was typical. My favorite part is where he crossed the fees that didn’t apply to us off the list.

We got a schedule of the meetings we would need to attend to complete our home study.  We take the first class in mid-September.  It’s a full day and they basically educate us on the adoption process and the issues that can arise being an adoptive parent and what to expect from parenting.  Then we have two home study sessions in the office which are group discussions where we talk in smaller groups about our philosophies on parenting and how we plan to raise our child.  The final home study session is done in our home and our social worker will visit our home and ensure that it is a safe place for a child.  In the midst of this, we will also be getting our FBI and criminal background clearances done and get a physical and they will get information from our references and when our home study is completed, the social worker will compile the report.

After our home study is complete, we can schedule a profile meeting where we get assistance putting together our profile book and video and go through what to expect from the rest of the process.  Once all that is complete, we start getting shown to birth parents and wait.

The social worker said that this is a good time for us.  They are on track to have more adoptions than they have in previous years (they average 160 adoptions a year) but they only have 78 families waiting currently.   That means that there are less families in the pool so our profile could potentially be shown more (as long as it is a match between the birth parents and our expectations) which means our wait time could be decreased.  No guarantees, of course, but it seems like good odds.

Now, I have to decide what to do about work.  Do I wait to tell them we are adopting after the home study is complete?  Or do I warn them now?  I just started two months ago.  It’s pretty much like going into my boss’ office and saying, “SURPRISE, you hired a pregnant woman.  And instead of being able to tell you I’m due in nine months, I can’t tell you when I will be matched.  And I can’t tell you if I will be matched with someone who is seven months, eight months, nine months pregnant or someone who just gave birth and needs someone to go pick up the baby in 24 hours or less so you get absolutely no notice at all that I will need to go out on leave.  Yay!” Not sure how they will take that and if it’s better to tell them now or later.


5 Responses to “Step two”

  1. brooke August 23, 2012 at 9:47 pm #

    I would wait to tell them until after the home study. Then you have something firm to say–we are now officially on the waiting list (is that what it’s called? seems like there must be a better name?) and the typical length of time is X, but could be Y.

    I know it’s a hard thing–I got pregnant a few months into a new job and was freaking out because I didn’t want to tell anyone about the pregnancy since I was so afraid something would go wrong, and yet I felt like my dean and the chair of my department needed to know that I had a valid reason for having to miss an occasional meeting or cancel a class… They were very understanding, and I hope that your boss will be also. I can’t imagine someone reacting negatively to that information. (Although I know there are jerks in the world–I hope you’re not working for one!)

    I’m so glad that things are moving along for you. I know adoption timelines can be excruciating, but it sounds like you are in a good place.

  2. dspence August 24, 2012 at 8:09 am #

    Congratulations! It sounds like the process is already progressing well. I’m glad you are feeling confident in your decision and this agency.

  3. loveisblonde August 24, 2012 at 3:43 pm #

    That’s really great that there are enough babies that you may not have to wait as long as anticipated. I’m curious what kind of parameters you can set…do you just say you want an infant, but it can be boy or girl? Can you specify newborn?

    I, too, would wait to tell your boss. At least a little while. But that’s some pretty random uneducated advice.

  4. Elizabeth :: Bébé Suisse August 25, 2012 at 4:57 am #

    It sounds like things are moving nicely along, which is great!

    I don’t have experience with the adoption process, but I would echo the others in suggesting that you wait a while to talk with your boss, at least until the homestudy is complete and you have a bit more certainty. I too would hope that you’re met with compassion and understanding.

    Good luck as you keep moving forward – thinking of you!

  5. Feit Can Write September 5, 2012 at 12:33 am #

    When it comes time for the profile I would strongly recommend using Joanna at She does amazing work and is a joy work with (plus, she is an adoptive mom so she gets it).

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