One year ago

25 Sep

One year ago today, I was transferred to Labor and Delivery, hooked up to magnesium sulfate and was induced.  It didn’t work.  In two days, it will be the one year anniversary of his death.

I don’t quite know what to say about that.

I cry all the time.  This is so much harder than I thought it would be.

Yesterday, I left work at lunch, re-parked my car in a part of the lot that no one would see me and sobbed. I cried the whole way to work and the whole way home.  I left my desk repeatedly to cry.

And I’m about to leave for a business trip.  Two stacked on top of one another, actually.  I won’t be back til Friday.  So I won’t even be with my husband on the anniversary.

This is so much harder than I thought it would be.

 

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7 Responses to “One year ago”

  1. Mo September 25, 2012 at 4:50 pm #

    huge hugs. I’m right here with you.

  2. chon September 25, 2012 at 5:29 pm #

    I never know what to say other than my shoulder is always here and I am so fucking sorry.

  3. Wannabemom September 25, 2012 at 8:49 pm #

    I’m so sorry. Hugs.

  4. Amy September 26, 2012 at 8:37 am #

    I’m so sorry. Abiding with you, and thinking of you often. If either of your trips happened to be to Ohio I would love to take you out for a beer or glass of wine or four of whatever you’d like. You are so strong, even if it doesn’t feel that way. Big hugs.

  5. Jackie September 26, 2012 at 10:18 am #

    I’m so sorry. Wishing you some peace and comfort during such an awful time.

  6. Alissa September 26, 2012 at 8:44 pm #

    Oh sweetie, you know I understand you. The twins Angelversary is coming up too soon and I am slowly breaking down along the way. I wish we could just take the days off together and push through it, but we have other crap to do don’t we? I am working on the 12th and I am worried how I will get through it. I think of you and your baby all the time and wish you a little peace as the minutes tick closer. Find something special to do, even if it’s writing a letter. I’m just so so sorry.

  7. FCblacksheep September 28, 2012 at 8:18 pm #

    Hugs. I wish you never had to write this.

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