Do you ever have just an unbelievably awkward experience where your brain just totally fails you?
I tried to walk into the bathroom at work. This particular door swings into the bathroom to open. There was a woman walking out at the same time. She stepped back, which I took to be an indication that she was letting me in before exiting. I was a little startled since I had just done that thing where you start to push in on the door and all of a sudden, it flies open much faster than you expect because someone else is pulling it. But you have no idea that someone else is pulling it because your brain hasn’t made the connection yet and so you’re shocked that you are so powerful as to push the door wide open with so little exertion.
So, I realize that she is stepping back to let me in and I start to walk forward. It’s too late though because she took my startled hesitation as a sign that I was waiting for her to step out. So we’re both walking towards each other. We pause, step back and then step forward again at the same time. Except this time I don’t pause after that second step forward. Something in my brain disconnects and I process the part where she steps back but not the part where she steps forward. So we are both walking forward pretty much about the slam into each other. She stops and I keep plowing forward. She looked a little shocked and I said, “oh my gosh, excuse me.” BUT I KEPT WALKING FORWARD. So I pretty much ran this lady over, apologized while doing it and KEPT GOING.
It’s like my brain stopped working entirely. I lost all sense of decorum. No, wait. I didn’t lose all sense of decorum. I knew enough to apologize for what I was doing. I just didn’t know enough to stop doing it. She made a comment where she apologized like it was her fault. I got the sense though that she was saying it in the way where you say, “Oh, excuse me” to someone who is being rude and you want to point it out to them in a passive-aggressive way. I can’t really fault her for that. I didn’t really need it pointed it out to me, though. I knew I was being rude. I just couldn’t stop my body.
I’m so grateful no one else was in the bathroom once I finally got in there. Since I promptly walked into a stall, closed the door and said out loud, “What the fuck was that?” and then started laughing hysterically at my own stupidity.